Glass
by relaxovision
Summary: Santana is still playing merry-go-round with her revolving closet doors, but Brittany won't have it any longer. Set after New York.


**This one was never supposed to become anything. I was basically just listening to Incubus when a Brittana scene popped into my head. I started to write it down, then threw in parts of the lyrics that went roaming through my head and voila: this is the outcome.**

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><p><strong>Glass<strong>

_**If I had a dime for every time you walked away**_

_**I could afford to not give a shit and buy a drink and drown my day **_

It had been months. Months of heart ache. Months of crying herself to sleep. Months of questioning if she was worth it. Months of having Brittany and Artie in her face. So, basically, it had been months of pure hell.

The fact that Brittany and Artie weren't an item anymore helped to ease the pain a little. Having Brittany back as her best friend was a huge relief. She had her pinky back.

The Pinky to her Brain so to speak.

Still the situation was all messed up. Sure, they loved each other. Sure they spent all their free time together just like they used to. Except it wasn't just like it used to be. It's really weird how love can come in the way of being close to someone, especially physically close.

They were best friends again, but still, something felt off. Santana always had to be careful not to let a hug last too long. When Brittany sat next to her she didn't dare to rest her head on her shoulder like she used to. She had to be careful not to overstep certain boundaries. Everything had a limit now. How many touches are appropriate in a friendship? How long can I linger? How long can I look into her eyes? How loudly can I laugh? Can I take her hand now or would that be too much?

In fact, she had never felt that uncomfortable around Brittany before.

_**But your pockets they are empty **_

_**Yea and mine are times two**_

Brittany had declared her love for Santana more than once, but there was still this hurdle in the way. It was the memory of Brittany choosing Artie over her. She had chosen to hurt Santana in order not to hurt the cripple. This wasn't something to just erase from the blackboard and say 'tabula rasa'. Whatever happened from now on, Santana would always only be the second choice.

This fact was what kept her from letting herself fall again. No matter how much it hurt, Santana couldn't just be with Brittany now. Call it pride, but not being the first choice to the love of her life, that hurt even more than not being with Britt at all.

_**There you go, you did it again**_

_**You act as if there's blinders on your eyes!**_

Another night alone.

Santana enjoyed sleeping with the window wide open, waking up with a fresh breeze tickling her face, making her bed seem even more comfortable and the morning young and alive.

In summer nights like this one the cool air was mandatory for her being able to sleep at all. She had gone to bed an hour ago, but the heat was unbearable, even though the duvet, after being kicked off in a sleepless rage, was now only covering the floor. Rolling around in bed, her body and her sheets sticky from sweat, she considered getting rid off her shirt and sleep in panties only. Also, maybe a flat top wasn't that bad of an idea after all. She loved her weave, but having thick sticky hair gluing to her shoulders and in her face was beyond annoying.

_**You're never gonna be content if you don't try**_

_**Try to see outside your line**_

Santana gazed at her alarm. Midnight. "If I manage to fall asleep now I still have 6 hours before I need to get up. 6 hours is acceptable."

She rolled around a couple of times, blinked and looked at her alarm again. 1am. "If I fall asleep now I still have 5 hours. That's not a lot, but manageable."

She blinked one more time and another hour had passed. It would be one long day tomorrow, that much Santana could tell by now. It was of no use, though. She had to try and make the best of what was left of the night.

Rolling around yet again the other side of the bed shifted slightly. It was only then that she realized she had actually been snoozing. Of course the fact that she was able to understand this meant one thing: She was wide awake again now. So bummer, basically.

2:47am.

An arm reached around her waist and Santana's eyes popped open as a female body pressed against her back and knees touched the backside of her own.

"Britt."

"I couldn't sleep. Is it ok if I stay here?"

"Britt…"

"Please."

"Ok. I mean, yea, of course you can stay."

The reply was a lazy "Yay." Shortly after the body behind her was rising and falling in a steady slow rhythm. Brittany had passed out within seconds, her nose being deeply buried between Santana's shoulder blades.

It was soothing and exciting at the same time. It made Santana's stomach flip and yet it somehow helped her doze off again. Through the embrace her lungs adapted themselves to Brittany's breathing pace. Like a reflex her heart changed its own beat to match that of the girl lying behind her. As if she had been made for this. As if she had never been supposed to sleep alone. As if being curled into Brittany's touch was the most natural thing in the world.

_**Like a bottle with the cork stuck**_

_**Your true ingredients trapped up inside**_

The rest of the night remained a constant battle, though. Santana would fall asleep just to wake up again and startle at the familiar yet unfamiliar touch. Everything felt surreal and every time she opened her eyes the realization that this was not part of her dream hit Santana hard. How many times in the last couple of months had Santana been yanked out her dreams, reaching out in an unavailing attempt to find the body that was supposed to be lying next to her? Her brain had a hard time adjusting to the fact this wasn't such an occasion.

When the alarm went off after what seemed to be only a few seconds Santana at first wasn't sure whether it was really time to get up or if she had just awoken in the middle of the night again. It took a while to realize that the sound of her alarm was real and actually getting louder. Turning it off she growled at life as a whole. Why did it have to be morning already? This was really unfair. Cruel mean world.

A peck met her shoulder. Another one was placed on her neck and she remembered.

"Good morning."

_**Why not make an about face**_

Santana actually wasn't so convinced this morning was all that good. First of all there was the lack of sleep. And second of all, there they were again: these stupid questions.

Should she pull away or lean into Brittany's touch? What would give Brittany the wrong impression? What was the right impression anyway? Why did Brittany always seem to know more than Santana? Last night her body had told her what was meant to be, but now with her brain working this was all too confusing.

_**And accept the love I send to you?**_

"Morning."

She rolled on her back, before stretching her arms and legs. "I'm so tired."

Brittany propped herself on her elbow and slightly bend over Santana. Her eyes were focused on poutful lips. Golden hair tickled the Latina's neck and although it was way too much to handle, Santana somehow managed to hold still.

"We could just go back to sleep."

_**Between two a small discrepancy**_

"Britt. We have school."

The blonde just smiled softly. "It's our last day. It's not like this is going to affect our grades or anything. No one cares if we show up."

She had a point there. Half the school would probably be missing.

"And we can still go to Glee later to say goodbye to everyone for the summer."

Santana pondered on Brittany's words. Sleep. That was very tempting indeed.

"We should get up."

_**One complicates**_

"Santana…" As the Latina attempted to roll away from her temptation, Brittany's face fell. As usual Santana wished Brittany would just once grab her shirt or her arm and force her back. And as usual Brittany didn't.

"Santana… how many hints do I have to drop?"

This actually made Santana roll back and she would have raised an eyebrow, too, if she hadn't known exactly what the blonde was talking about. She didn't dare to look at Brittany. She didn't dare to say a word.

"I don't want to get up. I want you to stay. And I don't really want to sleep."

_**And one simplifies**_

Blue eyes were piercing Santana's face and as a pale hand started wandering over her stomach the Latina froze to a statue. She was unable to move, unable to breathe.

"…Britt…"

_**Oh did I crack your shell?**_

The hand stopped and now just lay flat on her body, the palm pressing against her belly button.

"When will you quit?"

Santana felt her breath become heavy and all she could do was to stare silently at the hand on her stomach.

"When will you quit pushing me away?"

"Britt I can't do this."

Brittany didn't move.

"Why?" Her voice sounded angry, which was rare. Brittany was never angry and they never fought. She had been annoyed with Santana before, but angry? Never.

"We have done this so many times and it was ok with you when you thought it didn't involve any feelings, when it was just something we did. Now we both know it always involved feelings for you and guess what." Her hand pressed even harder against the brunette's belly.

_**Oh if only it could be different**_

"It always involved feelings for me, too. We just never talked about that. You kept pushing me away. And now for the first time we actually have a shot at being something, because we love each other; because we know that we love each other. For the first time this could be real and you still keep pushing me away. You need to quit doing that."

There were tears pressuring against Santana's eyeballs and a knot in her throat made swallowing as well as breathing that much harder. Of course Brittany was right. She had it all figured out. All except for one thing.

"What about Artie?"

_**Through the cloudy glass we catch a glimpse of you**_

_**I guess the hard shell represents your pride**_

"Santana, you know exactly that we broke up weeks ago. What do you want me to do? I already told you how much I love you."

This was usually the moment in their conversation when Brittany would waltz away, leaving Santana to ponder about the truth of her vicious vicious loving words. Only now she didn't show any intention of repeating this routine. She trapped Santana beneath her, demanding an answer. It was hard to endure.

"You chose him over me and now I will always be your second choice."

Brittany sighed audibly and Santana could swear she felt her roll her eyes.

_**We could uncover the you, you deny**_

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Leave him for someone who's ashamed of being with me? You remember the day we sang Landslide with Ms. Holiday?"

"Of course I do. How could I forget that? That was the day I realized…"

"Yea, well, you remember what happened after the performance? I was willing to give up my relationship for you then, but you rejected me. Just because Rachel made some stupid remark you left me hanging. You made me look like a fool in front of everyone. You said no to me so many times before and I never held it against you. You kept saying no all this time and I still always stayed by your side, supporting you. You want to know something?"

Santana dared to look up at Brittany's face and the sight of it broke her heart. Whenever Brittany showed her disappointment all the Latina wanted, all she needed was to hug her and kiss it better. Of course, she always failed at doing so.

"It hurt being your second choice to everyone else at school when all I ever wanted was you."

_**Should I apologize**_

_**If what I say burns your ears and stains your eyes?**_

Pouty pink lips brushed Santana's full dry ones.

"You need to quit pushing me away."

Santana looked back on Brittany's hand on her stomach. It was a dart transfixing her to the mattress. It was a demand she couldn't ignore. She reached up and bounced her fingertips on the back of Brittany's hand. It was also a promise.

As she tried to lift the weight off her body, the blonde only pressed harder into her.

"No. You need to quit pushing me away."

"…Britt…"

"No! You have to quit doing that to me."

"Britt, maybe going back to sleep isn't such a bad idea. Will… will you stay here with me?"

There was a pause and when Santana looked up to Brittany again she saw her face had softened. She was as beautiful as ever.

"That's not enough anymore, San."

The brunette swallowed hard. She wasn't used to being confronted like this. Brittany knew exactly how Santana usually reacted when someone tried to pin her down. It was a test. It was the test.

_**Take those fucking blinders off your eyes!**_

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"I love you, Brittany. I don't want to push you away anymore. It just hurt so much having you and Artie parade around, trampling on my feelings this whole time. It's not easy to forget that."

"Did you even listen to what I just said?"

"…and I'm sorry that I rejected you. I'm sorry I never had the courage to tell you how I feel. I'm sorry my reputation meant more to me than what we could have been."

Santana was rewarded with a smile that would have lit up the room if the morning sun wouldn't have been shining through the open window already.

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"That's better." Brittany giggled and peppered Santana's face with lots and lots of kisses.

As it turned out swallowing a little pride was actually totally worth it.

_**You're never gonna be content if you don't try**_

_**Try to see outside your line**_

_**Should I apologize if what I say burns your ears and stains your eyes?**_

_**Oh, did I crack your shell?**_

_**If it falls away you'll see that we exist as well.**_

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><p>PS:<p>

"Santana!"

"What?"

"Is that the shirt I made for you?"

"Oh my… you were not supposed to see that!"

"…..It's sexy."

"Well, in that case I'll wear it more often from now on."

"Promise?"

"Lebanese pinky promise."

…

"Uhm, Britt?"

"Yes?"

"Are there seriously little rainbows on your panties?"

"Uh… you were not supposed to see that?"

"What? Britt, you came here. You knew I was gonna see that. You could have changed them."

"Well, why would I? My girlfriend is allowed to see my favourite panties!"

"Favourite? Unbelie….Wait, girlfriend?"

"Yup. You're mine now."

"Haha …. Yes…. Yea, I am. … Proudly so."


End file.
